dicksplit: first day of kindergarten
when jesus is born I get presents when jesus dies I get chocolate I love jesus
Other people: wow what a perfect morning for a run
Me: wow what a perfect morning to go the fuck back to sleep
When You and Your Crush Run Into Each Other...
the-absolute-funniest-posts: lolsofunny: sodamnrelatable: (Funny and relatable here!)
sweeneytad: *dentist slaughters family in front of you* they’re bleeding because you don’t floss
yolympics: changing from jeans to pajama pants
tiger-lilies-and-tortelini: *clinks glass* i’d like to make a toast. *puts bread in toaster*
emilioestevez: story time so about 7 months ago, my girlfriend at the time asked me to move in. so i did and we lived together for roughly 6 weeks. she asked me to move out until i was mature enough to live with a girl because in those 6 weeks i drew a dick on her face while she was sleeping 11 times.